I can really see how people are now. Distance does bring it into focus.
You think you know someone so well... but then you don't see who they really are until later down the line.
The ones you view as important, turn out not to be.
They are just lies. Turned around to see another face...
I know I do my best to be who I am. I try to make people happy and treat them good. Do nice things that I know I don't have to do. And in the end, they don't see what you do. They see only what you didn't do. They blame you for what has gone wrong in their lives, rather than take the blame themselves.
They say tell the truth, stand up for what you believe in. And yet they are cowards. They hide away from confrontation. They won't talk to you face to face. They hide behind computers and text on the phone. No one wants to deal with problems face to face anymore. People won't just sit down and say how things are and tell the truth. Say what they want to say.
That's why I do. I always tell people in person what I think about them, or a situation going on. I would hope to have that returned to me. Treat me like an adult. But you can't treat someone like a human being. An adult. If you can't act like one yourself.

Everything happens for a reason. The reason for this.... I'm not sure. Maybe to just not trust someone because they are so nice.... Being nice doesn't prove anything. Jumping before thinking doesn't prove anything. Just shows that you don't think at all.

I'm done trying to keep things that I want to stay in my life. Either they stay or not. But I'm getting stressed by trying so hard to keep things. You need to be grateful for what you have. And if you have very very little... be grateful that atleast you have that.
I know that I do have love, even thou it's not much, and taste bitter...
I know that I have my art work... I can show something deep inside that you may need help seeing... and still people may not always see it... but that's okay.
I have a place to sleep for now.
I have a job... a car to get to where I need to go.
I have a small, broken family...
And I have silence.

I don't regret what I've done. Or where I've been. I don't regret who I let myself fall in love with, and even let break my heart over and over....
I don't regret going out of my way for the things I longed for...
But it's sad that it all ended like this. That the good I've done still hasn't made up for what came out of it. For what I've tried to do, gets no credit.
But I won't speak badly of the ones I have come into contact with. I will always speak of the good times, and share the memories with others. Because at that point in my life, it was good.
Just because somethings don't work out how we would've liked it to, doesn't mean you should be spiteful or hateful towards anyone. Keeping grudges is a waste of energy.
That's why the people who stay matter.. and the people who leave, or push you away, don't. It's so sad how someone can do this to another person. Even when they aren't bad at all. But I guess some people just need to hate someone. Blame someone, to feel better.... I never got that myself... but some people just need that.


I've come across alot of people who just want to use everyone around them. As if they were a paper cup. Fill them up, take a few drinks, and throw them in the trash. You are only as useful as someone will let you be.

So who holds the cup now?